Stationery, because Korea

March 8, 2014 at 10:14 | Posted in Cultural Confusion, Language | 1 Comment
Tags: English, job security, Korea, stationery, wtf

Stationery is kind of a big deal in Korea. It’s cheap and ubiquitous and adorable. There are stationery stores everywhere. However, my absolute favorite thing about the stationery is the English. It comes in all flavors of ridiculous. I’ve started a bit of a collection but simply have neither the space nor the funds to collect it all. So what I cannot own, I sometimes take a picture of, lest these gems of linguistic and contextual contortion go forever unappreciated.

Of note is the endless font of knowledge which stationery provides. Notebooks are not simply a tool with which you can record information, they are apparently also a great source of facts. Because why the hell not?

“Raspberries contain significant amounts of polyphenol antioxidants such as anthocyanin pigments linked to potential health protection against several human diseases.” …good to know

Notebooks love telling you about fruit…

“In common language usage, fruit normally means the fleshy seed-associated structures of a plant that are sweet and edible in the raw state.”

I’m wondering if notebook makers have actually concocted some sort of nefarious plot to move in on the dictionary’s territory.

“A mathematician is a person who primarily studies mathematics. They usually study a variety of mathematics in their undergraduate studies before proceeding to study more specific topics.”

“Achievement is the knowledge that you have studied and worked hard and done the best that is in you. Success is being praised by others, and that’s nice, too.”

If you love someone, you feel romantically or sexually attracted to them, and they are very important to you. Love is a very strong feeling of affection towards someone who you are romantically or sexually attracted to.”

I particularly like this one because I get the feeling this notebook has a story to tell. Clearly it’s insight was not met with the recognition it so deserved. “Someday, You’ll appreciate my ideas and aspirations for people.” One can only hope, little notebook.

“Political science and sociology have developed a variety of theories and empirical research on social movements. For example, some research in political science highlights the relation between popular movements and the formation of new political parties as well as discussing the function of social movements in agenda setting and influence on politics.”

One thing I never realized about stationery prior to living in Korea was it capacity to provide sage advice.

“Stay in softness with your eyes closed when waiting for afflatus.” Will do!

Contrary to what you might be thinking, these notebooks can actually help improve your English, as this notebook demonstrates.

How to Learn English Effectively
1. Make Use of Your Vocabulary
Try to incorporate some of the new vocabulary words you learned the next time you are speaking English.
2. Practice Different Grammar
Instead of sticking to the same grammar patterns, try using the ones that you are more unfamiliar with. This will help you to sound more expressive and less like a machine. [ohh, buuurrn]

However, not all English notebooks offer the same standard of advice.

“Let’s work together and everyone can enjoy English class. English spelling is very simple and natural. So we should try something to tell using English one by one what is easy thing.”

While I appreciate this notebook’s implicit optimism, I feel it’s message of simplicity in learning this professed simple and natural language is undercut by it’s communicative incompetence in the aforementioned language. “Would you mind take a picture for us?” If you ever come across some Korean tourists who ask you this, now you’ll know why.

Notebooks are full of lovely observations and the promotion of animal rights by way of adorableness.

“Dancing with a cute bear
When something is cute, we want to love it without knowing exactly why”
Truth.

“Story of Cat
You should be a good friend to an animal”

This notebook provides both practical and philosophical guidance.

The bird of paradise alights only upon the hand that does not grasp.”

There’s a notebook for every personality and every purpose. It’s necessary to ensure you have the notebook specifically tailored to both your personal attributes and the situation at hand.

“Top Class Notebook For College & Office” I should point out that it is spelled as “collage” in the upper version of the same phrase.

Or, perhaps you’re more the “cute & pretty” puppy wishing type. This notebook is the bringer of indisputable facts: “everyone likes puppies.”

“A dog I can play with, this is my one wish, and that’s why I want a puppy. I want a puppy, one who will love me. I want a puppy of my very own. I want a puppy”

Or, maybe you prefer to keep things simple with a little peace.

“A whole new world A dazzling place I never knew
Let me staying this whole new world with you” Avoiding copyright laws, laziness, or inability to internet? you be the judge

However, there is also the various notebook and the no. section. name. notebook for when your needs are slightly more ambiguous.

“Well now if little by little you stop loving me I shall stop loving you little by little” …jeez, a wee bit vengeful for a notebook, aren’t we?

I can’t help but admire the relentless optimism and support which some stationery provides.

Encouraging words from a cookie: “I hope you will be always happy. Being with you makes me happy. Smile, Free, Truth, Dream, Heart,”

“Wishing you have a happy day
You make always feeling refreshed… You help me through all the bad times, and watch over me like a hawk. You are my conscience when I lost, and always get me back on track.”

Never knew hawks were so supportive…

Air Force Fighter notebook launches full speed ahead into it’s promising message:

“The fighter planes returned to base. I’m gonna fly with you. If Ican see it then and i can be it. If I just believe it there’s nothing to it. Faith is a sentiment, for ifIf you hold onto your dream, you can do it! is a hope” …yuuup

For your elegant feelings…

“I see a flowery path of filled with hope, stretching from my heart to yours.”

The Preppy Notebook says:

“You will have the inner strength and ability it takes to accomplish what you desire.”

This one here is just covered in PLUR:

“Lovely Friend
I think that sweet things can make the happy world
Happy mind
Keep smiling”

It also mentions “coolage.” Seems legit.

Hello Lucky Day!

“She smiled all day like a possum up a gum. All men are endowed with inalienable rights to the pursuit of happiness. She is as happy as can be”

I think we all know what the immortal declaration and a possum up a gum have in common.

My personal favorites are the ones that have so mangled and mutilated the English language so as to give the impression that something incredibly profound might have been communicated, had your brain not already been turned to mush by trying to actually parse the linguistic equivalent of an M.C. Escher sketch.

“Take a memo on the direction that the mind directs to in times of having a confused mind without a clue.”

The story of the animals…

“As long as we lend to the beloved object qualities of mind and heart which we deprive him of when the day of misunderstanding arrives.”

I don’t actually have any words for this one. This notebook took them all. There’s nothing I can add that makes this even remotely better than the wonderful internally inconsistent clusterfuck it already is.

So, which is the notebook for you?